Chapter Ten   Race against Time     

Whose fault? Is it our own fault just because we were born here in Taiwan or just because we were hemophiliacs and depended on blood transfusion? I never think it a tragedy to “be myself”. But too many tragedies I have witnessed, which I believe nobody wishes to see again. I hope we can try our best, together. Don’t be afraid of AIDS. Don’t regard us as aliens. After all, judging other fairly is also a respect to yourself. That’s all I want to say.                         

                                                       By LI Jinzhang     

     “I know you are keeping a record of my life, including my death.” One day, Li spoke to me on the phone, straight forward. It was his character, frank and honest. A shiver racked me and I was struggling to preserve my composure. There was something sonorous and concise, calm and lonely in his comments that I couldn’t deny. “Death may be part of the recording, but absolutely not our ultimate aim.”         

     At the time when we came to an agreement on keeping a record of Li’s life, no one was sure of the consequences. We had reason to worry about the unfavorable effects on his family and friends. However, hemo-AIDS victims passed away one by one during the last two decades. We had no other choice but to start it.    

     At the end of 2003, Li got even worse after a long time ill in bed. He was too weak to speak, not to say drive to hospital. Simple movements like answering the phone would exhaust him. He could hardly say a single complete sentence. A couple of short words were what he could manage to utter. Despite the situation, he wouldn’t bother his sister or friends. He just lay in his old house, alone, enduring the pain all over the body, as well as the pain in the heart. While he was awake, he would close his eyes, deep in thought.      

     Seeing his half-awake half-asleep condition, his family hurried to take him to Taipei. In the emergency room, Li seemed to have much to say. Another patient, Xiao Wu came to see him. Li caught the hem of his dress and didn’t let him leave. Because of the severe condition, Li was soon hospitalized in ICU. After examination, doctor was surprised to find that virus had affected so deep into the bones. He said he couldn’t imagine how one person was able to stand such great pain for so long time.    

     Mr. S, a relative of a patient, showed a prescription of Chinese herb. Li always refused Cocktail Therapy during his rest at hometown. On the contrary, he firmly believed in traditional Chinese medicine. Friends talked over how to persuade him to take the medicine. Xiao Wu put forward a suggestion. He said only a beautiful girl could make it. A seductive tone, he said, Li would obey.Friends joked and laughed, the black mood in the room eased slightly. Li’s old mom managed to have her meal. At last, Li agreed to take the medicine, even without a pretty nurse. But it was too late; he soon lapsed into a deep coma. Then, kidney failure led to accumulation of fluid in the legs. On the morning of January 10^th, 2004, the last minute came. Li died at the Taipei Tri-service Hospital, at the age of 44.       Xiao Wu’s eyes were red with weeping. “

     Li Jinzhang has always been an iron man. Now he got rusted away. Even though he falls down, we will remember him forever.”     

     Chinese traditional New Year was coming. Li’s body was kept in a freezer. Family members and friends were busy preparing his funeral, while he was lying still, as lonely as he used to be, maybe a little colder. Happiness or sorrow, no one knew what he felt. Everything was gone with him. However, anyone acquainted with him knew that there was also hope in his heart, as well as resentment and bitterness.      

      Li’s funeral was on a winter morning, cold and gray. His elderly parents, some patients and friends gathered to see him off. According to the customs, people burned incense and bowed in turn. They moved in a circle around the coffin, having the last look.

     All tears, Li’s old mom watched the coffin of her son carried into the truck. She beat the coffin with her arm stick, a tradition indicating that he shouldn’t have died ahead of the parents. Slowly, the truck started, out the sight of Li’s old father, who, unable to walk, was standing at the door, tears running down his wrinkled face. He was helped to get into a car.It was still in a time of darkness before the dawn that Li passed away. His whole life was a continuous battle against death. With so much coagulation factor inside his body, Li had gigantic dreams despite the loneliness. He hoped to do most for the AIDS prevention before he fell down. Although the compensation bill hasn’t passed till now, Li has fulfilled the dignity of life by his efforts. Now, the surviving hemo-AIDS victims and their families are still pursuing the law suit in the USA. They are fighting for the late justice.